Emotionally Abusive Boyfriend…?
My EXTREMELY rocky relationship with a 23yrold man escalated today. He hit me this evening for the first time, in my chest. Over something completely ridiculous. I have to admit, that I saw it coming, the past couple of years with him have been a nightmare, a rollercoaster of ups & downs of emotion, especially on his end. I truely believe he is nuts & needs to be taken into a mental/rehab facility. He also has a drug/drinking problem that’s why I mention rehab. He has emotionally abused me for 2yrs now. He always makes remarks that are negative about me, I watch & listen as I always notice & see clearly as he picks away at my self esteem. He insults me, humiliates me in front of others, & lies to my face. He keeps me away from other people too, he doesn’t allow me to get close to anyone in his life, & he definitely acts “different” & “weird” with me. It’s as if nobody knows the real him. He is psychotic, suicidal, & NOT mentally capable of sustaining commitment to anything in his life. Not work, not friends, not family, not school, not bills, NOTHING. I wonder if he’s a sociopath. Anyway, he finally hit me tonight. I’m still kind of in shock. He has “pretend” hit me in the past, where he acts like he’s punching me or slapping me, in a very aggressive strange/scary manner. I tried to shrug it off. How do I rid this abuser from my life completely? Do I have to move? Change numbers? Get a restraining order? He is insane, I can’t do this to myself anymore. HELP please
Category: Sociopathic Friends
Answers
Answer from ABPhil
Time July 29, 2010 at 9:44 pm
To be honest, you shouldn’t worry if he emotionally abuses you, you will just attract more emotional abuse. If he is addicted to drinking & drugs, he is not ready for a relationship with anyone. I would leave quickly. Make sure you are placed with someone who is good for YOU. He deserves a chick that drinks & does drugs & hits people. That is what he deserves. Ive been there. When I was your age I wanted that guy. Now that I’m older, I want those seven years back that I lost being confused about “that guy”. He’s going to have all kinds of medical problems (sclerosis of the liver) conveniently when you’re ready to travel abroad. You dont want to be buying this man a new liver when you’re older. Let the other girl & him exchange black eyes & livers for their 25th anniversary. I should have trusted my own instincts & listened to a couple other people who claimed they knew better. Just think about what you could be doing without him, really. Relocate across the country, do something. Just quietly up & leave cold turkey. If you get emotional, he will probably just yell or hit you some more. Ive been there. Remember, the grass is greener on the other side.
Answer from HADEL
Time July 30, 2010 at 1:54 am
YES! I AGREE WITH BOKA’S ADVICE. ACT NOW GIRL!!!
Answer from Blackcat
Time July 30, 2010 at 3:12 am
Ditch his lame *** you can do better .Its only gonna worse.Run like the wind.He’s broken & will never be a good mate for you.
Answer from Audrey
Time July 30, 2010 at 8:44 am
I agree with advice to get a restraining order, but you should also consider moving far away or going to a women’s shelter for a while. My sister had to run from an abuser & spend 6 wks in a women’s shelter until he was behind bars. Don’t trust him in any way.
Or you could fake your death! j/k.
Don’t do that.
Answer from angel
Time July 30, 2010 at 2:07 pm
O.k. listen up. First of all you are strong enough to do this on your own because no one else will do it for you. You need to get out of there NOW & forget about him. I was in the same situation for five years, lost a baby due to it & after that I started to fight back. The relationship is not going to go anywhere from here. You need to leave him now & if he pursues to threatn you then you make a report, & so on. The only thing that will happen to you by staying is it will get worse & he will hit you again. Just because this is the first time, he will think that you will never leave because you stayed this time & will think that it is ok to hit you again. Don’t let it get that far. Give him a number to a rehab center & wish him the best. You are better off without him & can do much better. Life is too short to keep this going & you do have a future. Don’t worry about being alone, there is someone waiting for you that will treat you like the queen that you are. It’s easier said than done I know because I have been there & done that, but it is best to leave now, dont give him the upper hand & walk all over you, let him know that you wont stand for an abusive relationship with him nor his emotional abuse. Give yourself credit, & move on. If being alone for now means just that, then do it & wait your turn. It’s hard at first but you’ll survive & find something better. I would love to meet him, just so I can Kick his A!! & let him see how it feels to be humiliated & put down in front of his peeps. Leave now please before it gets too late & it becomes an everyday thing. My ex did the same thing & it went no where, he lost everything due to drugs, alcohol, & abuse, me, the car, the house, the friends, & his family. So be wise & get out while you still can & while your still young. You deserve better. I been there girl, dont let yourself go.
Answer from Demmo
Time July 30, 2010 at 3:11 pm
number 1 call the cops, & have him arrested. then u need to def get a restraing order. change ur locks & phone number. it may not be a bad idea to have some friends with u for a while to help with moral support as well as if this guy decides to not listen to the resraining order. but one thing for sure is that u cannot forgive this guy. he may tell u things like o it wont happen again & that kind of stuff. but i promice u that it will. it will continue & get worse & u could end up dead. please get rid of him no woman deserves to have to put up with this
Answer from BOKA
Time July 30, 2010 at 7:38 pm
GET A RESTRAiNiNG ORDER
MAKE A REPORT
AND MAKE SURE
HE GETS HELP TOOOO
YOU DONT WANT ANYOTHER
WOMEN TO GO THROUGH
THE SAME THiNG DO YOU?
-GOOD LUCK
Answer from Vera Gabriele
Time July 30, 2010 at 10:33 pm
If you live in the same house with this person.. then one of you has to leave.. & find a place for yourself.. if it is your home then you need to tell him to leave.. if he doesn’t go willingly.. get a restraining order against him.. this is an emotional & now a physical abusive relationship & it usually starts with the abuser undermining the others self esteem & also demeaning them in front of others.. that’s how it starts..with emotional abuse.. & escalates to physical abuse very often.. I believe if he is an alcoholic that alone can do it.. some turn nasty when they drink.. some dont but he has a problem & if he doesn’t see he needs help & join the AA then he will get worse.. so it’s a good idea to move out… & if he keeps on pestering you, you need to get a restraining order against him & phone the police everytime he doesn’t heed that restraining order & still turns up at your door.. first thing is to have the door lock changed once he is out if he is leaving if you leave.. dont leave him a forwarding address but he could probably find you through your work.. then you have to get a restraining order against him & a lot of abused women…do need help to regain their self esteem.. & therefore should join a self help group for abused women.. which you should find in every bigger city.. & get together with a group there.. where all of you get to talk & have some councellor there who will help you to deal with this & to not take such a guy back because a lot of women wait until they are so brainwashed by a guy like that or they think they can change him or still love him.. they take him back.. therefore you need to visit such a self help center to get your self esteem back & to be strong enough to tell him ”this relationship is over” I believe the alcohol made his problem worse.. he may have been controlling & manipulative all the time.. but the alcohol brings out the worst in him… he can only get help for himself if he sees he got a problem & is an alcoholic you have to take care of yourself now… & leave him & not get weak again & let him back into your life…
PS.. this is an exerpt from an email I got from another female who lives with her abusive partner… this is what she wrote.. one of the sentences..
Quote
When you love someone you see but dont want to do. My emotions are not mature & I am learning this in my study group. As I strengthen them, I will leave. I am so unhappy with him now. It is only the love that keeps me with him & I have actually told him that. He knows his behavior is terrible, & apologized for last night several times today. I just keep forgiving him but it is destroying my life.
unquote
She isn’t ready to leave him & he does what he wants with her.. she joined a self help group for abused women which you should do but you should stay strong & stay away from your abusive BF, whatever they say. however much they apologize, they will never change.This one she has takes drugs & is an alcoholicxxx
xx
Answer from wendy c
Time July 29, 2010 at 7:44 pm
I am truly sorry that you didn’t research the dynamics of abuse.. all of which you mention are classic red flags that it will go from verbal abuse to physical violence.
You need to get away.. no matter what it takes. I pray that you understand that it IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE.